Ep Qui Qui at Le Cafe Musain
by Robyn-Enjolras
Summary: Eponine dons the new name Ep Qui Qui and, through the 'out-of-the-quartier-latin-hood' program, lands a job as a waitress at the Musain. Based on the hilarious MadTv skit, Bon Qui Qui at King Burger. Please review, and maybe i'll write a sequel! :D


A/N: So, if you haven't heard ob MadTV's "Bon Qui Qui" go watch it on YouTube and then come back to this fic and read it. And I don't feel like putting any accents in, deal with it. You try putting in accents after you had a French III test, I dare ya.

Fun fact: I'm not doing my chemistry homework. Or memorizing 'le lion et mort ce soir' ( the lion sleeps tonight) for french class. Zut! D:

Disclaimer: "Bon Qui Qui" belongs to MadTV, Les Mis belongs to Vic Hugo, and the ghetto belongs to me and Alex.

* * *

**(EPONINE'S POV!)**

Name's Ep Qui Qui. I have just been hired at the Café Musain as a waitress. This is my second day on the job.

So, today my little sister Azelma walked in and I haven't seen her in fo' evah, y'know what I'm sayin'? So we's a-chattin up a storm, see?:

"Girl, Marius was supposed to meet me yesterday and he didn't even show up. Girl, I will CUT him. Girl, yes I will. Remember when he had said that he didn't hookup with that skank Cosette and I found out he did, girl I CUT him. Girl, yes I did, girl, yes I did…" I said. Azelma totally agrees with me on these things.

Just then some revolutionary walks in, sets his medical textbooks down in a huff on a table and waves me over.

"Excuse me..." he cried.

What the hell?! Boy, no one interrupts me when I'm talkin' to my li'l sis. Roo'd.

"Uh do you see me in the middle of a conversation?" I says to him, "Don't interrupt—roo'd."

So then I says to Azelma, "Girl I'm-a have to talk to y'all later, go back to _maman _now..."

I walked over to Doctor Revolutionary, "Welcome to Le Café Musain, where we can do it your way, but DON'T get craaazy."

"Eponine, I'm here, like, every day," he snapped at me.

"Do not have an attitude with me, sir. Do. Not," I snapped my fingers in a Z formation.

He rolled his eyes at me and glanced over the menu, even though he probably knows what he wants. I think he's one of Marius's friends.

"All right," he says to me, "Can I get a buttered croissant and a coffee with two lumps of sugar with precisely 1.3 milliliters of cream?"

Um… no. "You sure you just don't want an absinthe? Like Grantaire over there?" I gestured to the drunken student whom I had grown to become familiar with.

"Hey, 'Ferre," Grantaire hiccupped.

He glared at my new friend, "Hello, R," but then he looked right back at me and shouted, "_Excusez-moi_?" and pushed up his glasses.

"Y'see, I have to grind the coffee, and then heat it up and out then put in some water and now I have to measure the stupid little amounts for you… No, you can have some absinthe." I called back to the kitchen, "Let me get a croissant with some absinthe."

Shortly after I told off Combeferre, another student walked in, always in a huff, these guys, and he slammed down some textbooks on the place next to _Monsieur Docteur_.

"What'll you be havin' today, sir?" I asked, trying to be polite.

He pushed his blond hair out of his face, "Hi, um I'll have the house sandwich with no cheese, no tomatoes, and no lettuce."

I called back to the kitchen, "I got a complicated order!" _Dang, anything else?_ "Let me have a house sandwich with no cheese, not tomatoes—"

He looked up at me as though he completely forgot something, "Wait, wait, I'm sorry…!"

Stupid revolutionaries and they're complicated orders, "Excuse me, sir, don't you see me putting in my order, don't interrupt ROO'D, and no lettuce, and dats it." I turned to him again, "What?"

"I changed my mind about the cheese," he sighed.

Great. "Oh now you want some cheese?"

"Yes," he glared at me.

Lots of glaring going out today, dang! "You see me putting in the order why you didn't say nuthin in the first place?" I growled.

"I tried to but..." he started.

Grantaire hiccupped again, "You shouldn't a-did that, Enj…"

He was _not _gettin' another attitude with me! Oh, helll no, "Aha no, sir, do not get loud with me, do not get loud with me. Oh no…" I snapped my fingers and waved to Enjolras, "SUHCURITY! SUHCURITY! This dude needs to go, needs to go."

I noticed my supervisor, Fricassee, eyeing me and she walked over to me.

"Oh, hey, Mlle Fricassee, how are you doin' today, ma'am?" I said, casting my eyes downward.

She stared at me anyway, "not good, Ep Qui Qui, this is the fifth time you've called security on someone. I've told you that you can't call security every time someone has a complicated order…"

I looked up innocently, "Is that what you had said?"

She rolled here eyes, "_Oui_, that's what I had said."

I nodded quickly, "You're right, Mlle. Fricassee. _Désolé_,my bad."

A third student entered and sat down with Enjolras and 'Ferre.

"Hey, Courfeyrac," Enjolras sighed, spreading out some papers on the table.

"_Bonjour_, Enj. Say… what's Eponine doing here?" Courfeyrac giggled.

_Oh no he didn't!_

"You mean 'Ep Qui Qui'?" Combeferre returned.

"'Ep Qui Qui'? What the hell?!" Courfeyrac laughed.

Oh no he did not make fun of my name. Oh helll no…

"Fricassee has already yelled at her today for calling 'suhcurity' on me for ordering a sandwich… Don't get her started. Seriously, Courfey…" Enjolras warned.

Ignoring his friends, Courfeyrac waved me over, even though I was standing, like, 5 feet away from them, and he says to me, "Can I have a gourmet meat sandwich with a boneless skinless chicken that is slightly seasoned—"

A ha NO! "Suhcurity! Suhcurity! He need to go, need to go," I waved at Courfeyrac this time.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Fricassee running over to me, "Ep Qui Qui, what did I say?"

I wasn't going to deny what happened, "He was trying to fight me, ma'am."

Courfeyrac threw up his hands. "No, I wasn't!" he shouted.

"Boy, I will CUT you!" I gritted my teeth.

Courfeyrac folded his arms and waited for Fricassee's response, "I'm so sorry, she is from our out-of-the-_quarier_-_latin­_-hood program."

The aforementioned just shook his head, and Fricassee gestured for us to leave. She told me to stand behind the bar and just do that for the rest of the day.  
I was so bored until one of my old friends walked in…:  
"Oh hey, 'Parnasse!" I smiled.

"Hey what's goin' on, Ep Qui Qui?"

"I didn't know you come here…" I twisted my hair around my index fair and gave him an even bigger smile.

"Yeah, I ain't under house arrest no more," Montparnasse looked me over, and he smiled, too.

"_D'accord_, so whatcha wanna order, boo?" I cleared my throat to prepare him for what was to come.

"Let me get a house sandwich but instead of fries, let me get some onion rings," 'Parnasse leaned on the counter with his elbow and rested his head in his hand.

"_D'accord_, thats all you want. I know what I want. Let me put in your order:  
My voice is a queen so listen to me sing, he wants a sandwich with a side of onion rings. He can come out the house with no Javert on his tail, but he got two strikes so don't get his order failed. You know I'm looking cute and there's nothin' you can say but if you get with me, we can do it your way!" _Heyyyy_.

I got out from behind the counter and danced with Montparnasse. I noticed Fricassee and the other revolutionary students gather around.

"Ep Qui Qui? Ep Qui Qui?"

"I still haven't gotten my food yet!"

"Fricassee, what the h-word were to thinking?"

"_Ep Qui Qui!! EP QUI QUI!_"

FIN.

* * *

A/N: Review and get your choice of a sticker or a sequel. :D

Please review, and brighten up a APUSH student's day, 'cause Lordy Lou knows I need it…

And listen "the mystery of edwin drood," because its almost as good as the "tale of two cities" musical.

which remnds me, i really want james barbour holiday concert tickets... -cries-

WANNA GET ME SOME???

yeah, review... -.-' (--- MARITODD!)


End file.
